Coping with Midlife Crisis by Living Meaningfully

What's the back story, the bridge, the middle, the why and the for what?  Exactly. What is all that? 

One night I went to bed a young-ish woman and the next day I woke up a middle-aged woman. The Kafkaesque transformation was unexpected. What shocked me most, and shocks me still today, is how shocking it is to find myself here, in the middle of life, completely unsure if I should be looking forward, looking back, or gouging out my eyeballs.  

Whether over coffee with co-workers, hurried exchanges shared during car pool, taboo whispers during book club, or email and text volleys with friends, it was clear we were going to bed young, and waking up middle aged, unexpectedly confronting how to cope with a midlife crisis.  Greedily, I devoured every story and experience anyone was willing to share. Through the eyes of others, I was reassured that I was not alone coping with a midlife crisis, or, the middle place, no man's land, Weltschmerz.  

This new homeland caused quite a buzz as an entire generation of women found themselves exiled to it. "The New Midlife Crisis for Women," written by Ada Calhoun, was published in Oprah magazine in 2017, two years later, the article became a book. And, somewhere in the middle, I sent Ada a letter. 

The letter made two observations. 

First, the notion of women having a midlife crisis is not "new." If anything it is like a jack-in-the-box, surprise, you made it, kind of awakening. But, new, definitely it is not. There are blogposts a plenty, a dedicated Pinterest board to menopause, and designated shelves in the CVS and B&N advertising remedies for on-setting menopause, pre-menopause and perimenopause. So why was Ada calling it new? Was is it new because she dared to publicly label it? Was it new because she got us talking openly about it? Whatever the reason, this "new"  midlife crisis got people’s attention. 

Second, the letter went on to suggest what actually might be "new." Our generation, Generation X, the women to whom Ada’s article was addressed, powerful women, working women, kick-ass stay-at-home-mom women, revolutionary women, unstoppable women who did not need the #metoo movement to make an impact, are experiencing perimenopause while our children were experiencing prepubescence. For the first time in maybe...ever, we are a generation of hormonal women raising a generation of hormonal children. A generation of women struggling to maintain control of our bodies and minds while raising a generation of teenagers struggling to do the same. Huh? That seems worth writing about. 

You probably guessed already, Ada did not respond to the letter. She did write a book, Why We Can’t Sleep at Night: Women's New Midlife Crisis. Silly Ada, if she had emailed, texted, or called, we could have told her why. 

While the book told us what X-Gen women are experiencing, we, those actual women,  were experiencing it in real time armed with humor, sensitivity, and thoughtfulness.  

The New Midlife Normal is a blog created for women who, although different in their life experiences and approaches to aging, are bound together by a common purpose:  live a meaningful middle age life.   

It's good to have you here. 

Be well, be real, and be normal, 

Kelly